I moved to Utah for a job about 4 years ago. I was ambitious, I was Successful... And I hated it. I thought that I was strong enough, but I wasn't. For the last year it has been weighing on me, It altered my out look on life and what I thought of myself. I used to be amazing... I used to get amazed. None of that happened anymore. I'm so jaded and angry, I feel like Paul Rudd's Character in Role Models and to my admission, I took it out on everyone without even knowing it.

Then one day she finally said it "I don't love you anymore"... And with that, what I thought my view of the future was, my picked fence... vaporized in a flash. My heart ached nearly as much as my stomach wrench and once I wiped the tears from my hot misty eyes I looked around my beautiful house and looked at all the stuff. Elegant bed frames, expensive couches that stood majestically in front of the latest technology. What was it all for now? Why do I even have this? Suddenly all the hard work I have done, the fruits of that labor were pointless.

The inkling had been prodding the back of my brain for a while. Ever since the separation a year ago but it was never more apparent than it was now. Small little memes would catch my eye and force me to ponder in a why I never had before.

"There are thousands and thousands of people out there leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation, where they work long, hard hours at jobs they hate to enable them to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like" - Nigel Marsh

 

 

 

A while back I had purchased a Martial Arts Studio for my father. See as I kid I was brilliant, Traveled the world teaching the DEA and Paramilitary forces... And I was only 16. I ran away from that to make a six figure income doing something I hate that crushed my soul. The school was a dump, but my father is passionate and tenacious. There was that inkling again and another meme...

 

 

 

So I decided. I called up my father and told him I was coming home. The school has been in distress for sometime, as tenacious as I describe my father he has his limitations... and a business man he is not. We came up with a plan. A few days and a little white lie later it was official. I was to be a 30 year old man, living with his father, running a Martial Arts Studio... That was three weeks ago.

 

 

In 48 hours I will be packing a moving truck, and rolling it back down to California. Taking a chance on the most valuable of my possessions... Me. For too long I have been weighed down by things, I had this notion in my head that if I didn't have "THINGS" then I wasn't happy but what IS "happy"? These things aren't happiness, My ability to buy them isn't apparently either.

 



Stop collecting stuff... Start Collecting Experiences

 

So this is my diary. I'm not sure that anyone will ever read it but I don't care. I feel its an experience worth chronicling. Hours before my new life sets off for better or worse I come about this video. I'm not one for "Signs" per say... but this here was a happy coincidence, and what motivated this blog. Take twenty minutes and see why...